So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I stole a fireplace last night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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