You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
