either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
