hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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