just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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