now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
