Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
