Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
