I'm sorry my penis didn't work
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize