Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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