I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
