Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
