i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
