tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
