we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I deserve this hangover.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize