oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
