If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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