I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
