If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
