remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
