sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
