am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
