I'm pants shitting drunk right now
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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