Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
