Apparently you make a good broom.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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