I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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