he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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