This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
