porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
