Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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