The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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