how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
