you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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