first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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