i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
