My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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