Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
