then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
