My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
