And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
