you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Boobs speak an international language.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
