my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
