I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This baby is an asshole
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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