I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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