I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
