the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Houston, we have a blender
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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