I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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