I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
