I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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