I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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