mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
