And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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