All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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