I want to walk on stilts...naked
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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