Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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