If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
