Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
