Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
