So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
