Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
