i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
